THE FERTILITY JOURNEY SUCKS
So fertility (or lack thereof) seems to be this taboo subject.
Somehow every woman you speak to just happened to fall miraculously pregnant when they merely walked past their partner. Amazing! And really not what you want to hear when you are trying so very hard to create a new little life.
Maybe I am just the odd one who seemed to speak to the wrong women, but during my fertility journey there wasn’t a whole lot of hardship stories out there (don’t get wrong, I’m not one of these “a problem shared is a problem halved” type of women, but everyone I talked to seemed to be getting their eggs fertilised without a hitch… which just gave me the irritations). You don’t really want to hear how simple it is to get knocked up when you are eating seeds nuts and grains, surviving on weird concoctions of raw juiced fruits and veg, cutting out alcohol, saturated fats and soy products… and also having to obsess over ovulation times and two week waits and not getting stressed and not over analysing and and and… can you see the pattern here? The list goes on! And clearly all this bullshit you do doesn’t help one bit, compared to Fertile Fuckface over there who you just spoke to who is shooting out babies all over the place. Oh if you haven’t noticed I exaggerate when I explain things.
Back to the fertility stuff.
So basically I fell pregnant in 2013 and had a miscarriage in my first trimester. That shattered my already broken heart (my dad had passed away the month before). Things were shitty. I just wanted my bed, to swallow me up and put me out of my misery. Strange thing too, cause I don’t “do” depression. I don’t like the word. I know it exists. We all know all about it. I know and love people who suffer from it. But I was never going to be one of its guinea pigs. But I was… for a small moment in time.
So I managed to get myself out of my funk and I put ALL my energy into falling pregnant! Good plan right?! WRONG!
Turns out, when you want something so bad… it becomes kind of unattainable. So after over half a year of being obsessed with the thought of being a mummy and living my mission of doing everything I possibly could to reach that goal, and I’m talking diet changes, chiropractic, acupuncture, meditation, yoga, vibration techniques, naturopathy, homeopathy, vitamins, minerals, exercise, massage, I won’t go on… I actually stopped thinking about becoming pregnant.
And I had a new focus… I was getting married and I was planning our tiny, party of two wedding. So while I was thinking of a white dress, some diamond rings, a beach setting, a white ribbon to go on our car… Take a wild guess what happened!
That’s right… I fell pregnant!
Now, I know that all of those things I did to help my health and fertility were without a doubt a nice contributing factor to my success in falling pregnant again but, I truly do believe it is when I let go of my obsession with becoming pregnant that things just moved into place (how cliche, I know!). I had worked myself up into a bit of a state that I “needed” this baby to make my life better or whole or fill some void I’d created in my own mind. It was only then when I let go of all that needing and wanting and “gimme” kind of attitude that I think I allowed myself to let my body do what it needed to do. I needed to relax.
To “Let it Be” as The Beatles said. Not so easy for an Aries.. Hee hee.
But anyhow, so now here I was, married and pregnant. Life couldn’t get any better!