What is your WHY?
We don’t walk this earth without reason. There is a path and a purpose for all of us.
Sometimes it can take a lifetime to figure out your why… some people grasp this message early on in their life. Myself… I have only just started to discover my true why.
Now if you are starting this thinking… “well fuck I may as well stop reading because I have no idea what my why is”, please don’t stop, this is more for you than it is for anyone else.
You see… there are life events, big celestial shifts, that open the eyes of each and every one of us in our lifetime. These are what truly create our “whys” and become the backbone of all the passions we have in life.
The biggest event which is inevitable in all of our journeys, unfortunately… is Death. Immortality is a big serious eye opener that can have you wanting to rip holes in your bare flesh to find the reason why the fuck you are even here, if you have to experience such awful and ghastly pains and loss.
There are many other situations that will poke you right in your beating heart and make you wake up to the many purposes you have in this life journey in your human form.
Some others besides the grief of losing a loved one could be heartbreak, addiction, depression, sadness, bankruptcy, isolation, pain, trauma, accidents, hitting your rock bottom… the list is endless. But don’t just assume that its shitty things that will make you start realising your reason… It very often can be true happiness that shows you your purpose. It could be love, new life, marriage, success, a gift, a windfall, a promotion, a risk, a dream… again the list here could go on forever. There are so many things. But… for me it was Death. It was Death that changed my life.
Now… time heals, and even though it hurts just as much as it did the day dad died, I am amazed to say this… but, it changed me for the better. It made me realise that I have more love in my heart to give. That even though I had never really wanted children before, I was yearning to create a family of my own.
In a period of 3 years, I met my husband.
My dad got the cancer diagnosis.
I had to have my young dog put to sleep.
We got a new labrador puppy.
Dad battled courageously but despite all his effort, lost his shithouse and painful battle with cancer. (I’m sorry I write a lot about my dad – but he is the catalyst of all my life changes).
I fell pregnant 3 times. Two ending in miscarriage and one being my take home baby that opened my heart like nothing else.
Struggled with the grief of losing dad, and my babies… and my dog.
Before I became pregnant with Asher, I struggled with why I was not coping like I normally did because I was a tough cookie, so I started to get very depressed. Really didn’t want to get out of bed. That last a few weeks. Shit was awful.
I recomposed my shit, and become a functioning human again.
Ben proposed and we got married.
Quit smoking after 18 years.
Stopped partying and drinking my life away.
I had my little man, Asher… that opened me up as a mother and a woman I didn’t know I could be.
Changed my career passion.
So much happened in that time frame that its hard to not have a slight epiphany.
A wake up call.
It was all a part of it. But in that 3 years I became aware of what my WHY actually is.
You don’t need to have a sequence of events. You may have a moment on the beach alone while you are thinking about life. You might be looking at your children and realised that your why is standing right in front of you. You might be faced with something really fucked and have your why shoved down your throat with force. Whatever it is, when you feel it you will know.
If you aren’t sure if you have felt it… its likely that you haven’t been presented with your WHY just yet. And thats cool. We all get our messages at different times in our journey! I thought I had a rough why… the usual suspects. You know, for me and my family and friends to be happy and healthy.
I guess thats the general gist of it, but there is more to it. It has way more substance. It kind of has these clauses and deeper meanings than an overall outlook that can be summarised. It has a wish and a want to feel and be something more.
Just trust me you will know it when it comes in and shows itself to you.
I know we all have a WHY.
You might know yours… but it you don’t, you will soon enough.
Because I think our own unique WHY is always there. We just can’t see it. We get stuck in the superficial shit, the rat race, the expectations, or my big one… the comfort zone. I love a good comfort zone. I stayed in mine for 20 or so years.
Same pub, same people, same shit, day in day out.
There is more for all of us if we want it.
Sometimes we just have to look.
I wish I’d found my why earlier.
Instead of getting stuck in my routine. I could have lived with some more meaning while certain people were here to see it.
I know they are still watching though.
Better late than never I guess huh! x